Why I am “Kinzi – My Treasure”

I think most of you know Kinzi is not the name my parents gave me (“Jones” is, though!) and some have wondered where I got it from! After much thought, I will tell you how as it is kind of a fun story. As you probably know, I am all about stories. Part of the reason I started this blog is that I am writing a book about my life, and this blog is a living journal of the Jordan chapter. You are all going to be in it!
Kinzi is a part of my identity that emerged through blogging. She is much funnier, more clever, quick and controversial than her off-line self. She represents the part of me that evolved when I ‘discovered’ the internet and blogs; when I quickly realized there are nasty people out there who should not know who you are. I still wanted to be who I was, and not a made-up, anonymous entity because transparency, vulnerability and honesty are personal values of mine.

This time also coincided with my emergence from the fog of either being pregnant or nursing for nearly a decade. From 34 to 44, I was a baby-making machine. That’s what happens when you see the world first, get married later, want a bunch of kids and have a bunch of miscarriages.

Good things happen in fog. For ten years I served my hubby and kiddos and learned about selflessness. The selfish career girl who feared motherhood’s sacrifice found herself born-again-again in the process. I had time to sit and pray as I fed babies, to contemplate the character of God as I cleaned house. Thoughts and ideas percolated and incubated as I learned “Practicing the Presence of God”(a 17th century classic by Brother Lawrence). Each little one God blessed us with (even the ones we weren’t blessed to hold in or arms) became ‘my precious treasure’ as a nickname. Through each little treasure I fell more in love with the One Who gave them.

The nickname had to change, though, when the LotR came out and every time I called my baby “Precious Treasure” one of my nieces would do a Gollum imitation (“My presshhhhhuuuuusssss”). Yuck. So those babies became: “my Treasure”, period.

One Sunday at my church in Jabal Hussein we sang a song I fell in love with immediately,

“Nasiibi, huwa Irabbu hakatha

Qaalat nafsi…

Min li siwahu fi issama,

wa ma3hu aydan la ureed

shay’an huwa kifaiyati

wa KINZI bal yazeed …”

 

It seemed every time I opened the Bible I found a verse about treasures; which to keep and which to avoid, how to seek and how to let go. The one I love most is the one where God called me HIS treasure jar:

“For it is God who commanded light to shine out of darkness

To give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God

In the face of Jesus Christ.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay,

That the excellence of the power may be of God, and not of us.” 2 Corinthians 4:6,7

 

So Kinzi I have become, desiring to reflect and hold my true treasure. In many ways, my pseudonym has enhanced my reality.