Love, Respect and Mutual Submission in Marriage

In my opinion and experience, the two most important keys to a great marriage are love and respect for your spouse. The second greatest commandment is to ‘love your neighbor as yourself’, and without a doubt, your nearest neighbor would be the one you marry. The one whose pillow is so close you can hear them snore like a freight train, and watch them drool in their sleep . To love another as much as you love yourself is quite a task, as nothing reveals the selfishness of the human soul like marriage (maybe parenting comes a close second).

Some will cry ‘stereotype’, but I have seen that each gender seems to have a higher need for one of those words over the other. I think a man’s highest felt needs are respect and honor, and will even experience his wife’s love for him if it flows through his perception of her respect for him. On the other hand, a woman’s greatest need is to be cherished, adored, delighted in; and she will sense her husband’s respect for her through his love.

I found it interesting that when St. Paul wrote the epistle to the Ephesian church, the two injunctions he came up with were: “Husbands, love your wives…” and “Wives, respect your husbands”.  Now why do we have to be told to do something that should come naturally? Why two different words? In fact, later in the chapter he reminds husbands two MORE times to love their wives as they love themselves, just as it was stated in that commandment Christ gave. I think the harder task was given to husbands, to love sacrificially ALL the time. The Greek word used is the one for loving unconditionally, as God does; not only love in friendship or sexual love.

I also think that each gender is less able naturally to fulfill that injunction! I remember earlier in our marriage, when those days came when the ‘limerence’ faded, and he seemed less attentive and connected to me.  I felt less loved, but he felt he was doing a fine job loving me as he was doing for me what I do for him…respecting me! Asking my opinion, taking my needs into consideration; but to me all that was a given, I wanted to be cherished. We also later discovered that his love language is acts of service (doing things for me to show me he loves me) and mine is quality time, so he was running around doing stuff, thinking it showed he loved me, and I was sad because he wasn’t WITH me! He wondered if I loved him as much when I wanted to do stuff together, and he saw unsorted socks in the laundry basket. When we are less able to love or respect naturally, then those with faith are able to trust God to provide what is lacking. Thus, we grow not only in marital grace, but faith in God as well.

Submission will have to wait for another day. Maybe that is a good thing

Comments, questions, snide remarks?