One thing I do not like about Jordan is the denial of truth and fact. It IS a human condition, found worldwide, but it is done to a degree mish ma3uul here in Amman.
If the wrong people are harmed by the truth and the facts, then we deny the truth and the facts exist to protect them. This keeps people from owning their responsibility to correct errant behaviour, and encourages them to continue in it.
Remember the situation with Project Boy’s fingernails? The school doctor had taken him out of class for an hour because she felt he, his clothes and his fingernails were too dirty to be acceptable. I told her boys get dirty, he had had a bath the night before, and well, the fingernails were overdue. She continued to argue the subject, and I told her we are more concerned with character and creativity than the condition of his fingernails. Well, it has taken an interesting turn in the grand scheme of events.
While picking the kids up from school, an SUV/sedan came barreling toward our car; speeding, braking and skidding all over while there are children on both sides of the road. I honked at the driver as he zoomed by, and saw by the uniform he was a student at the school. He made a hard turn, then slammed on the brakes, skidded up an embankment and almost hit another car. The kids in the car identified the driver: ibn iddoctora.
I jumped out of my car and ran over, yelling and gesturing like an Urduniyya mommy done wrong. “Shu inta am be’suuq? Addesh umrak inta? Shu, majnuuneh, ma3 3indak rucksa oo ma pti3rif keef ptista3mal issaraya? Shu maaalak? Ma bitshuuf il awlad bi sharaia? Sim3at inno inta ibn iddoctora, oo ana ra7 a7ki ma3ha 3annak!” He was NOT laughing at my bad Arabic, he was scared. He apologized profusely, denied whose son he was, and slowly drove the wrong way down a one-way street in the other direction.
The kids were all wide-eyed (I am a bus-service, btw, another of my many jobs I don’t often write about), heard the kid deny who he was and confirmed it was him. I got out my mobile (which I had remembered to turn on AND charge, masha’allah!) and called the school to report his dangerous behaviour. They said they would look into it.
I found out yesterday that he denied it to his mother, and his mother denied he had her keys. It must have been someone else. It was her car, damaged right were he hit the embankment, there were six witnesses.
If he didn’t get the pants scared off of him this time by my tirade and exposure of his dangerous activity, he’ll probably go do it again. What good does it do to deny the fact and truth of her son’s errant behaviour? He has learned what he can get away with, but he may have also learned that God puts other mothers in hidden places.
But, one thing is sure: his fingernails must be immaculate. One must have priorities in life, you know.
I hope to God there is another side to this story, which I will gladly post about if there is. This hard reality is a truth I would rather deny.
March 23, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Many kids drive without a license and I seriously hate that phenomenon. Way to go Kinzi!
March 23, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Tololy, that is just so dangerous!! Last month I was passed by a car full of boys that weren’t even 14 yet, then a man forced them off the road and was yelling at them. Why not just give a kid a loaded gun and teach him to play Russian Roulette? At least then he won’t kill anyone in the process.
March 23, 2008 at 6:15 pm
Give ‘em heck Kinzi! For us any witnesses and we visit them at home and issue a stern warning. Sometimes kids are more afraid of their parents then the PO-lice, and it’s great when we have the full support of parents. You might have just save this kids as well as untold others lives.
March 23, 2008 at 7:56 pm
Wow, I had a similar thing happen to me. My son was playing outside when I heard him crying and running to the house. I asked the boys he was playing with what happened, and they said a boy down the street had hit my son. “addaysh 3umru?” They looked at each other. “talaatash? 3arbatash?” they said. I was FURIOUS that a 14 year old punk kid would hit a three year old, so my hubby and I raced over to give the boy a piece of our mind. The boy (who was super arrogant) insisted he didn’t hit our kid, then his SISTER came out and said, “ma darabu, ibnik wi’a3.” Now, what I want to know is how some younger kids (who speak no English) managed to tell me the same story that my son (who speaks no Arabic) told me when I asked him what happened. We told him we were coming back later to talk with his dad and the kid FREAKED out.
It’s the accountability thing. I’m glad you gave that boy a good tongue-lashing, and I hope he came out of it a little wiser.
March 23, 2008 at 7:56 pm
yfa, lol the ‘PO-lice”!! when I heard about this mom, I contrasted the mom of the boy I saw in the news holding a placard reporting his dirty deed. It is good news the police will do what they can to scare a kid into obedience!
I forgot to say, I did tell the kid next time I saw him doing that, I would write down his plate number and report his behind to the police. Maybe that is why he wasn’t laughing at my bad Arabic!
March 23, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Sharon, wow, that is scary with such a disparity of age. Your son, no doubt, had never been clobbered and was pretty surprised as well as hurt. From his freak-out, I wouldn’t be surprised if the clobbering was a continuation of a bad example set at home and he knew what would await him if discovered. And so did his sister. Was there any further problem with him?
Just today, some new neighbor kids were pelting my kids and their guests (and our car, and the windows) with tomatoes, cucumbers and oranges…from the 4th story balcony! I picked it all up in a pile on the wall and put a note “Good Neighbors Don’t Throw Food”. They tried to tear it down, but all the neighbors saw it when they came home from work. As I was leaving to drop the guests off, a regular neighbor boy was in a fight with another kid. The haaris broke it up, then the regular kid said (in unison with my son) “thats the boy who threw the tomatoes!”. He denied it, so I asked the haaris to mention it to his mother. We’ll see how the next chapter goes.
March 24, 2008 at 6:55 am
You go girl. I have berated the boys who come from the ‘Islamic’ school and hide in the bushes to smoke near our house. I went to the school to complain about them and they even put the principal on the line to talk to me. She wanted to know the names of the boys. Like I know who they are??? They are wearing school uniforms, that is all I know. God help me if I saw a teenager driving a car and crashing it. I probably would have him by the collar and down in the street. (Whoops! Is that too much?) Anyhow. I liked the line that he probably had clean nails. Ha. No doubt. I think my kids are following in my footsteps. They were in a play area at a food establishment and yelled at a boy who was hitting his maid. God knows he saw that behavior somewhere else… Allah yahdina.
March 24, 2008 at 7:52 am
Um Omar, when you tell me to go, I will ZOOM! And no, grabbing them by the collar is not too much, they have GOT to learn there are consequences for dangerous behaviour when they are young. BRAVO 3ala awladik…their response means all your efforts to build into their little character is working. Oo 3alaki, kamaan!
If that boy was hitting ‘his’ maid now, imagine what he will do to his wife and kids when he doesn’t get his way later.
March 24, 2008 at 8:28 am
Bravo Kinzi, but what is really amusing me here is the revenge!! Ah, the revenge, don’t you just love it? What s lovely chance you got to get back at the fingernails story..i know you did not do that for teh sake of revenge but it feels sooo good doesn’t it?
March 24, 2008 at 8:47 am
Salam, oooooo, did I struggle with that!!! As all that was going on, I kept going “Lord, vengence is Yours, don’t let me use this to rub her face in it, help me to respond with grace!!” I was trying NOT to love it, and actually it put the fear of God in me for how easily some of MY pet sins could be exposed if I don’t get serious about them.
BUT, He gave me this opportunity to correct her son on something of real danger, so in my call, I decided to focus on his issue not for revenge, but correction and safety’s sake. That desire for revenge did pop up, but I put a lid on it!!!
March 26, 2008 at 8:52 am
We did return (twice) to the house to talk to the dad, but the people were never home. However, I think that kid needed to realize that we are not your average ajaanib and won’t indulge his behavior, so hopefully the words were enough.
And sadly, I think your comment about the treatment he receives at home is probably accurate. Both my husband and our neighbor said the same thing.
March 28, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Kinzi, Awesome. Oh, and grabbing the ears is MUCH better than the collar. Ensure compliance much more effectively.
April 1, 2008 at 4:33 pm
uggh…that is one of my pet peeves..unlicenced kids driving…i mean the streets r not their own…others saftey depends on those idiots not being this stupid…im glad u gave it to him…what a 7mar…and how pathetic is the doctoora..boys and dirty finger nails go one in one…the day has finally come when i do not need the nail fairy for ziad…his nails would get overdo because he will fight me cutting his nails even while sleeping…but not anymore..he is a big boy…yeh yeh i just had to share that:)