Lamentations of the Father, by Ian Frazier (:D)

I found this when I was cleaning out closets today (yes, I am actually cleaning closets and avoiding blogging. Lo and Behold, there IS a God who speaks audibly, and I heard His voice saying: “NOW!!!!”).

It came as an email in 1997, and since I am too pressed for time to type it out, I found it on-line too. Shock of my life that the source comes from University of California Berkeley.

Parents will giggle. Parents who have read Leviticus will spew their hot beverage upon said screen. Be forewarned. If you like it and want more, there are several more.

Laws of Forbidden Places

Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods
that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room.
Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but
not in the living room.  Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with
cheese, you may eat, but not in the living room.  Of the cereal grains,
of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that
are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the
living room.  Of quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal
treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room.

Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you
may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein.
Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of
any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink.  But
if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you
eat in the living room.