One last stop on this leg of the cancer journey was talking to my former endocrinologist. The one, who for six years, has been saying I never need to worry about thyroid cancer. The one who refused to do an ultrasound on the nodules, who refused to biopsy the nodule that turned out to be malignant, who said removing the larger nodule would be the equivalent of ‘cosmetic surgery’. By the way, I CAN swallow my vitamins now, I suppose having 85 grams of nodule pressing against the esophagus CAN inhibit swallowing; it wasn’t just a vanity issue after all.
I don’t relish confrontation, don’t seek it, am a little scared by it. I am especially intimidated by those who are my superiors in terms of level of education and authority. Yet, especially after living here, I have learned it is a necessary part of life, and can be quite redemptive. I have found that most people with whom I have had a strong conflict, end up being good friends (see Team of Rivals post).
I’ve learned I have to gear up for it…pray for the right attitude and words inwardly, and dress for success outwardly. Driving my chauffeur route this morning, I told hubby my morning plans, and he said: “Oh, so that is why you dressed up today”. Yup. Fake it til you make it, like I learned in Amway. (Sister Sally, I wore those fabulous clogs to get another 2″ height advantage, thanks dudette!)
Lil Kinz was with me, since she has no empty-hanaat and has begun her MONTH LONG school sabbatical, ya salam ya rabb sa3idni). She was a precious pea, and helped distract me from nervousness with her little stories and whimsical ideas during the hour wait to finally pour out my displeasure at being poo-poohed for over half a decade.
After waiting an hour, I finally walked over to him after he said goodbye to another patient instead of waiting for a turn.
Here’s how it went:
K: Deep breath. Professional smile. “Good Morning Dr.”
Dr.: “Good morning Mrs. Kinzi, long time no see, how are you?”
K: “Well Dr., considering I just recovered from surgery and abulation radiation therapy for papillary carcinoma of the thyroid, I am well. How are you?”
Dr. surprised: “Really? Did you have that done here?”
K: “Yes, Dr. Abdullah Bashir did the surgery and I am now a patient of Dr. Kamel Ajlouni at the NCED & G.”
Dr. “What??”
K: “Frankly, Dr., I felt you weren’t listening to my legitimate concerns as a patient. Every question I had, you dismissed as irrelevant, and I was frustrated. So I got a second opinion and the Dr. recommended an ultrasound.”
“Remember how I asked you if there shouldn’t be an ultrasound done? You said there was no reason for it. I believed you. It was from this ultrasound the doctor saw the vascularity of the nodule and recommended a fine needle aspiration on the smaller nodule which you said I would never have to worry about. The biopsy revealed papillary carcinoma, and believe me, it was more than worrisome.”
Dr. “Mrs. Kinzi, this kind of cancer is very easily treatable, it is rarely fatal, and look, now you seem fine”.
K (getting a leeeeeeeetle hot) “Well Dr., how long would it have been ‘fine’ for? Under your care, six years, cancer had progressed while you said I was fine. How many years would it have continued? Rarely fatal, if it is properly diagnosed, which under your care, it wasn’t, and may never have been.“
“How would you have explained ‘fine’ to me, my husband and my children when it progressed to Stage 5? When it wasn’t quite so easy to treat? I trusted you.” Intentional silence.
Dr. uncomfortable and getting angry “Mrs. Kinzi, your case was treated as it should have been, standard procedure, and I did nothing wrong”.
K: “That is why I am now being treated elsewhere. Thank you for the last six years of care, good-bye.”
Whew. I managed not to cry or stumble over words or my own feet. Done, an important part of this cancer season rolled over into new. I would have liked to hear even a semi-apology, but I know him well enough not to expect it. I forgive him, he only did what he knew to do.
But for that reason, he will not be receiving recommendations from me. I have also spoken to the doctor who recommended him to me, and my four friends who used to go to him have now switched to my new doctor.
The main reason I talked to him was not to shame him, nor even having my say, but for the sake of all the black-tented female patients in his office who may be having their legitimate concerns swept away with laughter and a smile. The same ladies he used to complain to me about, that they were uneducated and whiney. I’m sure some of them were, but I hope that maybe he will think twice next time before dismissing them so quickly.
January 8, 2009 at 2:50 pm |
Wow. GOOD WORDS!
How deeply unprofessional of him to complain about other patients to you.
Your courage to speak up to these “demigods” that we call Doctors is important. He may not think twice about being dismissive again, but you have exposed him and that will help others.
January 8, 2009 at 2:59 pm |
Renee, welcome to my blog and thanks for your encouragement! Yes, I feel for these women, they don’t have access to the internet or even know they have options (heh-heh, I have spent hours talking to them as I waited).
Yes, some doctors really believe the mythology. I try and avoid them like the plague.
January 8, 2009 at 3:53 pm |
Even if he was just doing what he is supposed to do, you felt that he hasn’t treated you fairly and thus the least he can do is explain himself to you and apologize.
Here is another situation that you do a lot better than me, If it was me who have done the talking, I would have most likely ended up fighting with him and/or escorted out of the building by the police.
I am glad to hear that you are feeling better and recovering, I hope you recover completely as fast as possible, you are a very loving mother and deserve better than this.
January 8, 2009 at 4:00 pm |
I applaud you for speaking out for those who can’t.
January 8, 2009 at 9:17 pm |
Kinzi-
Awesome job! I think I’d be too chicken… I found out last year that the family practicioner I’d been seeing got a scholarship in med school to perform abortions as part of her training. I didn’t have her number at work, had a sinus infection, and I googled her. The press release from the award came up. I stopped seeing her, but my mom told me that I should go to her office and explain why I was leaving. I was too chicken, but not you’re making me re-think it…
January 8, 2009 at 10:27 pm |
I’m sending you some cyber-applause, Kinzi! You may remember a similar–though immensely less serious–situation I had with a dentist here. In that case Dear Husband did the confronting and the response was similar to the one you received. I hope that although this doctor admitted no negligence to you that he is humbled and remorseful, though only privately, and that this will influence his care of other women. One can hope.
January 9, 2009 at 12:34 pm |
Nizar, yes, he did the best he could, but I needed better. Forgive me for indulging myself, but I have to say that it is God’s spirit who has transformed me into someone who is neither a screamer nor a doormat. Initially I was ready to scream: God worked on my anger at him, and I had to choose several dozen times to forgive him in my heart rather than harbor bitterness. After, I was ready to be doormat, and ‘forgive’ without calling him to repentance, which is what could help others. God then gave me courage to confront, not out of revenge or anger, but for his sake and the sake of others.
Emily, yes indeed I think you should go back to your practitioner. I know it isn’t comfortable, but it is part of practicing freedom of choice. After asking several, I found out only one OB on my PPO didn’t include abortion in his/her practice. I asked my JO OB’s receptionist if he did, and she said no, but later others told me he does. I should probably ask him personally.
Desertmom, I do remember that situation. Sigh. My hopes are yours for my dr., his personality is much like mine (part of the problem, sanguines like to be optimistic and not discuss tough stuff), and if someone talked to me that way, I would listen.
January 9, 2009 at 6:29 pm |
wow! You are my hero! I woundt have been able to do that. I SO would have wanted to, but I would have cried or yelled, or both! Congratulations!
January 16, 2009 at 11:33 pm |
So glad to hear that you confronted your ex-doctor about his negligence in treating you as a patient with legitimate concerns. I sincerely hope that this will cause him to take seriously the health concerns of his patients.
Chillincin
February 17, 2009 at 4:33 pm |
Wow, good job! That took alot of bravery and you should really be proud of yourself for 1) doing it and 2) handling it gracefully! (found you from Southern Muslimahs blog…)
April 30, 2009 at 11:54 am |
Home in Kabul, I forgot about this comment! If you ever come back, I will do a better job welcoming you
. Kabul, wow, ma sha’allah!