JO’s August issue has two articles in response to my blog post and the ensuing comments. The editor, Nicholas Seeley and I had a good long talk and were able to connect through some of the issues. He told me they would be addressing it in this issue. Due to JO’s policy of not printing letters from anonymous people (that would be me, as an anon-blogger), my letter to them would not be quoted. I told him I trusted him to be my voice to communicate the end-of-the-story from my perspective. And not to ‘draw and quarter’ my blog or commenters. 
One is a letter from an American ex-pat who articulates her problems with the article in content and presents her views on it through the prism of her own experiences (which mirror mine). The editor answers well, and owns a couple important points. That said, I don’t know if the depth of the ‘ick-factor’ of sexual harassment for an American woman can be understood by even an American man well enough to find common ground on which to stand together.
The next is an article in response to my blog post. In some ways, I appreciate it, in others, it reveals how wide is the divide between genders, cultures and world-views (and as the editor pointed out, generations. Yes, I am truly an old person now). It’s not fun to be corrected in print, but it wasn’t fun for him on my blog either. I’m still processing it, there is a lot of content to cover, and will have to respond in increments as I have a dead-line looming.
And since I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer, I would ask some of you sharper-minded and witted thinkers head on over and give your opinions there at their forum, rather than here at mine where they can’t respond on journalistic principle.
Happy…uh…conflict resolution?
***for those reading after this initial post, things have not ended well at all and I do not currently stand with my previously attempted congeniality***
I thought it was a thoughtful response to a dilemma that’s pretty much unsolvable. As a journalist, I know all about not being able to negotiate these waters without hurting someone. Though I did mention, in my response on JO’s site, that hey – we as women are simply not treated as full-blown human beings next to men. And this is something that we can’t forget, you know?
God, I am giving myself a headache, I should just go to bed.
*smoochies*
Kinzi, I didn’t comment on that post you made, though I read it, because I’ve never been to Jordan and I don’t know what its like there. But I *have* been to countries where sex tourism is a problem, and I’m SORRY Jordan Online, but when you try to claim you were writing about it just because it sometimes happens (quantify sometimes?) and you didn’t mean to claim it was a rampant out of control problem, I don’t believe you. And when you try to claim you feel you have the same responsibility to report on it just because it occasionally happens, just like you do with things like HONOR KILLINGS, I don’t believe you.
In countries where sex tourism is a problem, it is a BIG problem. And that’s why people talk about it, in those countries. So when people see you talking about it, they naturally assume it’s a BIG PROBLEM in Jordan. Think of it this way, since you are American. We don’t have a problem with sex slavery here, do we? But I’m sure there must be one or two cases every year, right? Would that mean that US papers have the same responsibility to report on sex slavery in the US that they do to report on serial murders? They are probably about equal in the frequency with which they occur, no?
This gentleman is a skilled writer and a good BSer but I don’t have much respect for his journalistic integrity.
Hi Natalia, hope the headache is gone by now. The regular headache I mean, as I know the headache of not being treated as full-blown humans will be with us for a long time. May the Tylenol of intestinal fortitude and inner assurance of our God-given intrinsic value help us to keep heads high and hearts strong.
Hi Craig, I do remember you lived in Southeast Asia, right? Yes, endemic sex tourism, exploiting the most vulnerable of humans.
Incomparable to here, but I imagine the incidents are in the dozens/yr in Jordan, perhaps even hundreds if you get a bus full of wild ladies at Petra (ok, that is a joke). I also believe the number for sex slavery/trafficing stats is/are around that number also in the US, I have several friends in the US who fight that abomination.
I agree the editor is a skilled writer, but he is NOT a BSer. I do respect his journalistic integrity, and he also truly cares about those who are oppressed, of both genders. He was barely able to contain his anger when writing about the treatment of Filipinas. I think he lives in a completely different world in Jordan than I do, and rather than becoming hardened by the junk he sees, or BSing, he dives in, experiences it and reports it.
Well that is odd, for me to be defending him after disagreeing with the piece. But I have said it all above, there and in the other post. Just trying to be more fair than I was before. I disagree with the article, but don’t want him to be slammed personally on my blog, Maybe this has taught me to try and be more like a journalist and less like a blogger in terms of comment moderation?
AND, Jordanian men who are involved in sex tourism are going to have real problems in their marriages later, which could make life miserable for his Bedouin bride.
I just read the original article. From all the comments, I really thought it would be different than it was. For me this was about foreign tourists and how they behave in Jordan, not about the Expats who live here continuously. While it was unsavory, I think it says more about the Bedouin men who are not following their religion. They have a great opportunity to teach about their religion and they are doing the opposite. May God guide them.
I have to run off to work, but I’ll think about my response.
Kinzi, maybe I over-reacted a bit. But the way he went on and on about colonialist mentalities made it seem like he’s a guy with an agenda. I may be wrong about that.
Hi Um Omar! Well, up until the last two stories, I agree. The last two were women either in a serious relationship or married to Jordanians. Not nice ladies, to be sure. Interesting how you saw the religious unfaithfulness of the Bedouin men as the source of your main concern, but not surprising and a wise insight.
Thanks Brian! Running off to work? That is good news.
Craig, welcome to the crowd, I over-reacted too! That said, we ALL have our own world-views, and sometimes agendas, don’t we? He had a definite point of view, many of us had others. Having a conversation helps focus on the majors. There are areas of this discussion we won’t have any common ground, and just need to leave it at that. I do have more to say on their piece, when I am done with my project.
I’m back from work.
I was trying to decide if I would post about this or email you or just comment. I think I’ll settle for a comment.
First off: sex tourism occurs in every country. From sex tours of Southeast Asia and the Balkans, to Las Vegas and Amsterdam; tropical resorts around the world. The vast majority of tourists do not have sex with locals no matter what country although more may have sex with fellow tourists of other nationalities. It’s human nature to seek out companionship.
Culture however plays an enormous role in how women are perceived. Not west, not east, but cultural behavior is predicated on too many factors to fall into neat slots. South Beach is different from Thailand and Cannes is different from Haifa. That’s not to say that women are treated better or worse in one country or another, it’s all in the context. Does Jordanian culture assume that any woman on her own is available? That is not necessarily an American cultural assumption, however, if a woman is at a nightclub drinking and dancing by herself, married or not, she will be hit upon by men, and/or women. Context is everything.
In these enlightened times – cough – sexual harassment has been greatly diminished in the workplace. Not gone, human nature again, but almost all companies strive to eliminate all forms of harassment. Most follow a basic statement that goes something like this:
“Any unwanted and unwelcome advance be it sexual in nature given verbally, physically, visually or any other means is prohibited. All employees have a right to a safe and comfortable workplace free of innuendos, slurs, taunts and abuse of any kind.”
It goes on like that, but the key phrase is ‘unwanted’.
Is a compliment considered harassment?
Your dress really looks nice on you.
The quick answer is no: the long answer is maybe… yes. It’s all about context. If the person receiving the compliment is fine with the sentiment, then no problem. But if they feel uncomfortable or threatened, then yes, there is a problem. Every person has a comfort level with family, friends and coworkers, but most people are initially leery of strangers who come off as ‘friendly’. Not service friendly – how may I help you? – but friendly as in undressing with their eyes, leering, suggestive motions or hand gestures. Those are clearly on the side of sexual harassment from a stranger. From a coworker? Maybe. Depends on the relationship. Same with family and friends. What is an uproarious joke to one person is a deadly insult to another.
It’s all about respect for someone else and following the Golden Rule. Not too hard in the end.
Insightful to say the least. Comments and all.
Q
Hi Brian,
I agree with most of what you said, but not this part:
The vast majority of tourists do not have sex with locals no matter what country…
I would certainly exclude the Philippines and Thailand from that statement. At least if they are the same as they were in the 1980s. I’d be tempted to exclude Las Vegas as well, but I’m not sure if I get to cherry pick cities! If so maybe Hong Kong belongs in there too. It’s hard to tell with Vegas because it’s a lot more subtle and less an “in your face” kind of thing.
But that’s really the gist of my complaint with this article (and the follow-uo). I read that and I assume they are talking about a problem as rampant as Thailand and PI. It sounds like even the author admits that isn’t the case, which leaves me a bit at a loss as to why he’s writing about it? And surely there must be some female Jordanians who are “available” to male tourists, even if it’s not common? But he didn’t write about that? Is it because he’s also buying into the local double standard, where it’s OK to talk about Jordanian guys engaging in questionable behavior but it’s not something he’s supposed to talk about if it’s Jordanian women? If he’s not willing to tell the whole story, why did he feel it necessary to tell part of it?