I LOVE A Love Story!!

WAHOO!! I just got off the phone with an old workmate, a gal who made my then-job in human resources a tremendous joy. We would spend our lunch hour praying and talking, and fasting together. Anne is a God-fearer/lover, intelligent, witty, drop-dead gorgeous with the perfect shape. Why she was not snapped up at 25 can only be the restraint of Almighty God for a Better Plan. She was the #2 on my list of match-making list forEVER. Yesterday, when I got her email, I got to drop her from that list!!!

We lost track of one another for six years. When she turned 40, Anne said she finally embraced that her reality was singleness. She intentionally fought the mental habit of anticipating: “Today may be the day I meet HIM”. She chronicled the event in her journal, a landmark day of submission to a severe mercy of God. Four years ago, a friend asked her if she could give Anne’s number to a man from her church who was interested in meeting a woman to marry, not just play with. In spite of the bad rep, in my circle of Christian friends we just don’t ‘date’. It’s more like intentional courtship, with no under-clavicle physical involvement until The Day.

Anne figured, ‘why not’?', and was pleased that the old familiar ‘what if?’ didn’t fill her thoughts. He called her, and after five hours of talking, she had a first time ever certainty of “Oh my sweet Lord, he is the man”. They skipped the chit-chat about favorite foods and went right into the core issues of what marriage would look like. He had already heard enough about her to be sure.

Dave lost his wife to a brain aneurysm a week after she gave birth to their fourth child.

The same day Anne gave up marriage and embraced the reality of her singleness.

Oh, shivers.

My friend Anne went from being Miss Successful Business City Woman to Mrs. Ecstatic Rural Home Schooling Mother of four mommy-less children. She could be another Pioneer Woman. Heh-heh, her hubby is enjoying her unique energy.

I cried when I heard her little girl call her mommy. God is good, all the time,

Texas Bound :)

What a week! This was family event week, all TOO fun with many blog-able moments (not all about overeating, too! My nieces have a new obsession I can’t wait to write about). I’ve also had a couple local writing opportunities pop up.

BUT, I am off to TEXAS for three days, BY MYSELF. I’m visiting friends who moved from Jordan, our very best and closest, loaded with a suitcase full of spices, cardamom coffee, Habeeba baklawa and comfort food from the Souk and their families. I can’t believe some of it got by the sniffing Beagles of O’Hare. This family is very special to us, and I wish I could blog about WHY they are in Texas, and not Jordan, but it is one of those mamnuu3a subjects I dare not attempt.

After the trip, the fam picks me up and we spend the weekend in Chicago with friends. Next time we are there, hopefully Iman and I will connect and do some live blogging/vicarious & virtual taste-testing from The Cheesecake Factory (heh-heh, Iman knows nothing of this, it’s my personal fantasy).

SO, no blogging til next week. Blessings!

Kinzi and the Terrible, Horrible No Good, Very Bad Day

I think the Traveling Pants have flown their last frequent flier mile.

Why is it that when the man of the house is out of the house and far, far away, I always end up with a child in the hospital, a major car breakdown and an American friend married to a Jordanian guy in trouble? ALL at once???

Sigh. The mechanic just came with the latest verdict. The third verdict of this particular trip, mind you. First payout was 80JD for the twenty-year old car we thought would die by now. The second for our ‘newer’ car, 277JD to cover the blow-out, new brakes, suspension stuff, new muffler pipe and other stuff. Shocked I am, that even ‘old’ parts on ‘newer’ cars cost 3x what the older car does. Then, I could tell the newer car just was not running right and feared the gas tank was leaking. Bingo. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t taken auto-shop and couldn’t recognize spark plug issues. The verdict: nearly 500JD. I am choking, and I fear hubby will be choking too.

Not to mention the freezer defroster not working, a valve in laundry room needing replacement, having to contact the property manager AGAIN to ask why the ads aren’t in the Sunday paper. This is husband work, I am SO not cut out for it. I need my man.

My American friend is an Extreme Prodigal. You know, the biblical story of the Prodigal Son, but she is a daughter. I learned an important lesson this year: do NOT feed a prodigal. If you give them a snack when they are starving, they stay in the pig pen. Let them starve; they come to their senses, come home and repent. She came home, ready for true change, asking for help. She is making good choices, and this is a bright spot on a bad day. It’s just terribly draining to hear of West Ammani lifestyles, like something out of NYT fictional bestseller, that I wish didn’t exist. It’s also risky to get back involved knowing she may not have paid the full consequences. But that is what friends are for.

Thank God hubby doesn’t work outside Jordan permanently, that the hospital visits were brief, we don’t pay American wages to the mechanic and we have the extraordinary blessing of not one but two cars. I also thank Him that my friend could’ve gotten away with it in the US, but an honor-based society forced her back in line.

I am most thankful that the Traveling Pants have begun their descent. If he wasn’t coming soon, that last paragraph would be a fake-it-til-you-make-it-living-in-denial ending to this day.

And I know, the cool stories he comes home with will change my mind, and just another trip won’t look so bad. Plus, the next time he travels, I get to go too!

(History Buff is feeling better, thanks for asking. He was messing around with his crutches today and fell flat on his injured ankle, but seems ok now)

Congrats, Laura and Oliver!

While I’m congratulating, can’t forget my former VIVA editor Laura and hubby Oliver! She gave birth to a precious baby boy yesterday! The new Abu and Um Omar were beaming, delighted and delightful to see, as they transition from ‘couple’ to ‘family’! May the Lord bless your son with a heart like His, dear friends.

Providentially Ordained Moments, Pre-Easter

I was starting to post about an amazing Easter Celebration, but realized it has just been an amazing week with which today’s Easter festivities were a culmination of joy. God’s hand has been upon us this week in a special way.

1) First, Abu Kounouz did have cancer in that tumor that was removed, but it was a superficial basal cell carcinoma and was caught early. All because we watched a movie which had Karposi’s Sarcoma as a theme and reminded hubby he should get that sore checked out. (Side note, but I must admit my error of judgement with the Dr’s stitching: the nasty stitches were removed, there is no bad scar. Sorry, Doc!)

2) I had a wonderful time meeting a bunch of ex-pat ladies at Um Omar’s to meet her mother. Lovely group of mover/shakers, some bloggers, some commenters, some ‘lurkers’ (I see you, M!), the food was delicious (shu, the biggest mound of guacamole I have ever seen, from PALI avocados!) and of course, my fav MommaBean who also brought HER mother.

3) Later that evening, our church youth group had a going-away potluck for several college students who had spent a ‘gap’ year in Jordan and had volunteered to help our young people grow spiritually. We had had a youth pastor for two years, but there had not been a suitable replacement. Our older teens decided to run it themselves, (with some parental investment) organizing VERY fun bi-monthly large group gatherings, and small group bible studies during the other weeks. The did an EXCELLENT job! I listened in on the one Spikekid attends, and was astounded by the maturity, leadership and practicality of teaching exhibited by the older teens.

The youth group is half the size of the church, and I believe their fire and commitment is bringing a form of spiritual revival to us all. We in the church are loving one another better, being more involved and more fully invested in one another’s lives. Listening to the kids lead worship and see the power point of the highlights of their year brought tears to my eyes. It seemed Easter began than night as we all saw how God had brought these college kids in such unique ways, and how they were touched by the investment they made in our kids.(oh yea, and the food was ‘church-potluck-at-it’s best’; I think one could measure spiritual revival by what kind of food the participants bring: there was food made from US-stash ingredients that took some time to prepare. Generosity flowed!)

4) The new car hadn’t been driving well, it seemed like it needed some alignment/brake work (hhmmm, a little too fast over those speed bumps perhaps Kinzi?). On the way to baseball (7:45am, mind you) a serious banging noise started while flying down airport road, and hubby discovered a piece of tail pipe missing. He then slowed down a bit and stayed to the right lane. Good thing, as not ten minutes later one the rear tires blew and shredded, and he was able to pull over without a problem. Had we been going fast, it may not have gone so well for a van packed with people. The man behind us pulled over and helped hubby change the tire, so we got to enjoy Jordanian hospitality in one of it’s best manifestations without mansaf! And not five minutes after that, a church family on the way to the ball field saw us, and promptly took the coach and kids to their game right on time.

5) After one of the baseball games, I was talking to a mother and some of her extended family I hadn’t met before. Just chatting, she asked me what I do here. When I mentioned the course for abuse victims, I noticed they all blanched. She leaned in and said “Could you spare some time to talk to us about this? We just discovered our family has been affected by this horror and we don’t know what to do”. I knew immediately God had brought me there just for those woman. They were so desperate for help they trusted a stranger they knew for ten minutes to help navigate a very difficult and delicate life tragedy. We spent a half hour talking, and had put together an applicable plan for the victim, the abuser and the family. I cried afterward, at the great love of God to allow that ‘chance’ meeting just when it was needed.

6) I had been way too busy, and my US-stash too barren to contemplate a real event Easter egg hunt for the kids. Then MommaBean came up with a plan that would be fun AND promised to be a huge return on little investment. I also found a mini-stash of suitable ‘hunt-worthy’ treats, and had just enough time post-baseball to power-color eggs and get the rest all ready. It was a delightful time for all the kids, and us adults too. Um MommaBean & Um El 3atal both provided my kids with some ‘grandma’ words and kindness. Thank you, Momma Bean, El 3atal, MimiBean, TetaBean and Helper Bean!!

7) After preparing the Traveling Pants for another journey, the rest of us (plus Gaza Girl :D) went to church for our evening Easter service. Pastor Rick gave us a dramatic presentation of the last earthly days of Christ, and the resurrection story, from the perspective of the Apostle Peter. From his confident outbursts, his denial of Christ, and finally that beach-side conversation with the Lord where he received His calling to ‘feed My lambs” it was a moving way to remind us all again the power of what we would celebrate the next morning. It kept my mind filled as I stayed up to midnight making cinnamon rolls to take to the sunrise service the next morning.

to be continued…

Interfaith Dialogue at the Ball Game: A Model

Baseball season is great fun. In spite of Amman being SO small, there are some ladies I only see during baseball season. If your kids don’t go to the same school, it’s hard to maintain friendships the rest of the year apart from Eid/holiday phone calls. So, us seasonal-baseball-buds talk and laugh a lot during these ten weeks to make up for the off-season.

One such friend is “Alia”. We met when her oldest was on hubby’s first T-Ball team, whoa, years ago. One of those rare friendships where the moms get along, the dads like each other, and the boys play well. She is one of those amazing Jordanian women who raised her young boys (yea, another 3 boy mom) while caring for her home while getting her degree, and lived to tell about it. She and her hubby spent most of their lives in the US, but wanted to come back so their kids knew Jordan as more than a summer holiday destination.

She had several other baseball mom friends, including a very funny American lady who I am acquainted with as well. This woman had older boys, who Alia joked around with a lot, and has left Jordan. As Alia and I were getting caught up during a practice, she got very serious and looked in my eyes and said “Kinzi, I need to ask you a question”. She proceeded to tell me that the other woman’s son had sent her an email after he had been in college a few months that had really surprised her. The jist of it was, he didn’t understand how she could believe the tenants of Islam, and he was a little, um, disrespectful in the way he presented his questions. He also told her what he believed and why. (I choked a little bit, and wondered where this was going and what my response to her was going to be!)

She had been surprised and a little offended initially. After thinking about a response to him, she said he realized she had probably never talked to him about her faith and he had probably ran into some Muslims that surprised and offended him in their approach. She also knew he respected her and that was why he came to her with his honest questions, even if his manner was off-putting. She researched his questions, and understood how he could have them, and took time to answer them. Sh also knew that his way of sharing his faith with her was not tit-for-tatting, but that if he believed what he did about his faith, it was a love offering from him out of his concern for her eternity.

Alia asked me how I thought she handled it. I told I thought she did a beautiful job, and I wished there were more people like her. She said “Sub7an Allah for our friendships. You know, the basic tenants of Christianity are for us heresy; and for you, the basic tenants of Islam are heresy. You would be overjoyed if I became a Christian, I would be overjoyed if you became a Muslim. We have too much honesty between us to pretend that we believe the same thing, or that all paths lead to God, or that either of us should compromise what we believe in order to be friends. I see God in your lives, you see God in mine, and we can enjoy our friendship without blasting each other about our differences”.

I say “Sub7an Allah’ with Alia. I think that she and I accomplished more to promote interfaith dialogue, mutual respect and love than any of the big conferences held between scholars, leaders of faiths and countries. Maybe they should put baseball on the agenda.

I Heart Mona Eltahawy

I first read Mona’s writing at Natasha’s blog, then rediscovered her at the Sudanese Thinker. I just love how this woman thinks, how she calls it what it is, how she articulates tough topics and has never (that I have seen) resorted to the slash and burn contempt tactics that shut down dialogue for good. Here is her latest post, about Iraqi Christians.

Between Mona, HM Queen Rania and some of the American Muslims ladies I read and have now met (Umm Zain, Umm Farouq, Umm Omar & Umm oops, inseet, Bama Bedouin) I am beginning to think that it is going to be the strong but feminine voice of Muslim women that correct wrong perceptions of their faith, AND correct those Muslims who are reinforcing those perceptions.

They remind me of of the biblical account of Abigail, whose husband made some deadly choices. She, with winsome humility, spoke great wisdom to David and saved her family’s lives.

You go, girls, I’ll be cheering for you.

Arab Evangelical Lady Leaders

I’ve been away from the PC this week attending a conference for Arab Evangelical Christian women leaders (what a mouthful). Seventy-five lady leaders from Jordan, Palestine, Arab/Israeli, Syria, Lebanon, Iraq, Egypt, Sudan, Saudi Arabia ,Kuwait, Dubai, UAE and Sweden have joined together for a week of united worship and learning. It is being held by Arab Woman Today, whose website links to my blog and  with whom I have learned much about victims of sexual abuse in the middle East. The AWT ladies understood my vision to help  victims, and have supported me all the way on this journey.

Each nationality of the participants was represented by a flag on the wall, and I was a little pleased that the old red-white-n-blue was not there. Why, you ask? Well, AWT is all about training and equipping lady leaders from the Arab World, their mandate doesn’t include Americans. But, it seems I have honorary Jordanian citizenship in the ummah of my Jordanian Christian world as well as my on-line world! Many of the ladies are women I have worked on projects with, written about for magazines, been to their family 3azzas, visited in the hospital, laughed with, cried with and prayed with. They have loved me and accepted me as a true sister, even when I dress funny and talk even funnier.

An additional surprise came to me that AWT had not imported an American for the main speaker of the conference. This habit has been a pet peeve of mine in the Arab world, as there are many qualified and talented teachers and speakers in the region.  Their choice of speaker has been ra3ia jiddan: a young visionary who left an enviable high-level position in a local company to…horrors…start her own company!

Not resting on the influence or strength of family name, nor  a deep-pocketed-daddy, she found  her  niche in the local market and has created a profitable business. She has lived out the points she is teaching: discover your edge, your passion and run with. BUT, run with integrity, with principle, with honesty. I have learned much from her inspirational material and encouraging demeaner. Heh-heh, but the girl is no-fluff as well: she is hard-hitting, pushing envelopes and challenging cultural paradigms.

It is a delight to hear an Arab sister singing to Arab female hearts. When a foreigner comes, the song is interrupted by the fits and starts of translation. There are jokes and idioms that at best don’t translate, at worst, can be insulting. If a speaker has not done her homework of learning her audience, you can bet there are awkward moments and the message she brought will be lost.

Not this speaker. She is encouraging her sisters, casting vision (she even said “vision-ti”! Am ptihki arabizi!), challenging them to take risks, run with their dreams for women’s ministry in their churches. She is quick to point out the fears and self and culture-imposed paradigms which keep them from dreaming big, and is then giving them practical tools to build. I almost cried listening to her, as I have known her since she was a pre-teen and was mentored by her own mother.

We women are hungry for this. It has been a very difficult year for Evangelicals in Jordan, with previously unexperienced pressures that they weren’t really sure how to respond to or handle. A major church had serious split, and I held my breath as I prayed for love and unity in Christ to win. I resisted the temptation to find out what it was all about (yea, we Christians can sometimes disguise gossip by calling it “prayer requests”, very naughty) am so glad. There has been a restoration of relationship that has actually drawn believers closer than before.

The pressure, although uncomfortable, has had some very positive results. I think it is safe to say that spiritual revival is budding in every denomination; it is showing up in visible humility in leaders, and in greater love for one another.

Although I am a bit tired from Arabic immersion, this conference has revived me as well. For those who are curious, I must say there has not been one Zionist-type word, no mention of American politics, Fitna  or evangelism. We’re kinda busy learning more about who we are to be, and what we are to do to serve more effectively.

You Know You Where An ExPat Kid When…Pt 5

Yii, I don’t like it when I wake up to discover wordpress has changed the dashboard around! I was just beginning to poke around the other one, and now I have to re-climb the learning curve. Ya Matt, please, next time, give us mature folks a weeks notice to prepare!

Here is the final installment to this version of the list, I have a feeling readers here and linking the post on could come up with several more pages!

48. Seeing police drive on the shoulder of the road and cut people off is not unusual.

49. You understand that being addressed as “ma’am/sir” by Filipinos is not an insult.

50. You know someone is referring to Pepsi when they say “Bebzi”.

51. Having a walled in, cement house is standard.

52. Ford Explorer sized cars seem small compared to Toyota Land Cruisers and Nissan Patrols.

53. One word: ‘yala’.

54. You have a box of red label tea in your cupboard

55. You have ever had your hair cut in a “saloon”

56. Any time you submit an application, you attach 500 riyals to “help” it along. (so this one is from KSA?)

57. You roll your eyes everytime you hear a politician/news reporter say “eye-rack”

58. The speed limit is just good advice, not something really to pay attention to

59. You replace “uhm” or “like” with “yani”…

60. You are used to being refered to as “the white guy/girl”

Enjoy!! Hope ya’ll are well and enjoying these beautiful days.

Life As I Knew It Has Ended :)

No, no tragedies; just the arrival of baseball season. God has poured out great mercies, though, as all the Kounouz are playing and we only have practices two evenings a week. Additional mercies from the Hand of the Almighty through the hand of the Mr. Wise Commissioner: T-Ball games no longer begin at 8am on Fridays, and no sneaking 4 year olds on T-Ball teams for us team-moms to babysit. Heh-heh, yea, bring a copy of that passport and don’t even try the “My child is FAR beyond his abilities for his age!” song and dance. It never fails that these are the parents we never meet, who send the kid with a driver to every practice, and whose offspring are always try to whack other kids in the head with the bat for fun.

Abu Kounouz, aka Skeeter, wisely determined he could not coach this year with his wild and crazy traveling schedule. Um Al-Kounouz rejoices, as he and she are a team of coach and team-mom, and when he leaves, she is stuck with not only team-momming but also coaching the critters. Coaching makes her cross and whine-y, for she was made to cheer-lead, not coach.

My magazine writing career has careened off the road and into a ditch: unsuccessfully convincing a new editor I have worthy things to write (somehow, she wasn’t impressed with my Alexa and Technorati ratings. Nor my handbag: one editor told me handbags can be as important criteria to some magazine editors in Jordan as one’s writing skills). Another magazine has not able to pay for month after month (after month), and another producing so many mistakes I don’t tell anyone I write for them anymore. There is a bright new spot on the horizon, but I have learned those can be bombs as well as opportunities.

I’m good with this (except the not getting paid part, so how do I handle that without shaming them???), I’m getting kind of burned out and need to clear the decks for cleaning closets, summer travel and researching this book.

Not to mention being a good shepherd to my ‘flock’ of ladies in the process of abuse recovery in our last weeks together. This season of teaching has been a battle every week. Mutiny, resistance, numbness, excruciating pain, this particular group has been the absolute most difficult experience I have had yet. I lose sleep over them, get angry with them, am hurt by them, frustrated by their stubborn refusal to make good choices and and believe truth. I began to wonder if this group would be my first big failure to help any of them, and resisted my own temptation to withdraw and teach it outside my heart.

BUT this week, and the last, we’ve had breakthrough. I am SO proud of each and every one of them. This week’s progress, in ALL of them, was worth every previous tear and infuriated pillow-pounding. Every little baby-step forward has come at such great cost. My heart is tired and weary. I need some time to wait upon the Lord, that my strength may be renewed. Because, I have a new list of ladies waiting to take the course in September. Some of them have horrific stories, and have been patiently waiting their turn.

Well, that’s it for now, a look into Kinzi’s inner world.