“Forgiving love is the inconceivable, unexplainable pursuit of the offender by the offended for the sake of restored relationship with God, self and others…

“Forgiveness involves a heart that cancels the debt but does not lend new money until repentance occurs…

“If forgiveness, fulfilled in reconciliation, is to occur, evil must repent with clarity and conviction…

“Love is dependent on forgiveness…

“The extent to which someone truly forgives will be positively correlated to the degree the person is stunned and silenced by the wonder that his huge debt has been cancelled.“

- Dan Allender, The Healing Path

Things that make me go ‘wow’

This week has been drama after drama, three episodes. Fun, sad, exciting, stretching. Scary. Every week seems to provides a new chapter for my book. Either I am a drama magnet, or it has become a way of life. Every phone call or email has the potential for a life-altering new direction. This week I have had three invitations to speak to women’s groups. Not the usual Christian ladies Bible study groups, but places I wouldn’ t have thought. Amaaaaaazing.

I just love this whole being-a-writer-in-Jordan thing.  I’ve had to learn to tone down, to rev-up, to be snarky, serious, fashion-y, business-y, to find interesting angles on boring subjects and not overwhelm readers with too much excitement; fight for things important to me, walk away when asked to compromise. I’ve been able to interview diplomats and princesses and officials and community leaders, as well as regular folks doing highly irregular things.

I have learned also, as a reader said in an email this week: “NO is a complete sentence.”

Funny, too, how most of my writing breaks have come from complaining to a publication. Or getting in trouble. Some of my latest pursuits are happening as a result of last summers’ troubles.

Recently I had a meeting with someone who was reviewing an article I had written. She said: “Well, how do I say this, but the article sounds like something on ‘Oprah’. I can almost hear the music fading out, can’t you?”. Surprised, as I had tried hard to hide my own personality and only reflect that of those I was writing about, said “So that is not a good thing, sounding like ‘Oprah’?”. She smiled and said “No, we hired you to write this because we like your voice, your way of telling this story. Send us a rewrite from your perspective.”

How cool is that? I get to be myself, and get paid for it.

Then I went home, put away the heels and put on the sweats with my house-wife hat. My other self. I get to clean little black fly carcasses off the bathroom walls and sit on the floor and wash the mud balls from between my dog’s toes.

Really, it is such a good life. God is amazing good, hilariously timely, harrowingly sober. He’s not safe, but He is good.

Congratulations, Maher!!!!!

Shu had min3arrif min il Facebooooooooook?

As if I had time for this, but it is really fun to see the demographics of those who read your blog:

http://www.quantcast.com/

I learned that my dear readers are 53/47 female to male, 30%  18-35, 34% 35-50, large ‘other’ (as in non-Caucasian, what do Arabs put for ethnicity?) readership, and what countries people read from. Cool.

One Question: Who is visiting  so often from LOMPOC, California???

Try it!

Have a great weekend! Next weeks is Thanksgiving and Eid together, which is always great to be able to celebrate at the same time.

Just sayin’.

In case it wasn’t obvious.

Can you tell I met my deadline and am cramming in posts before the next assignment?

I first saw this link on Facebook, and read it with great sadness. If only humans could put all their creative energy and resources into enhancing life, instead of destroying it. How sad for these women of Falluja, who endured so much suffering already, to have their ability to bear healthy children hindered by new and scary ways of killing people?

I talked with friends in Northern Iraq yesterday, still suffering the literal fall-out of Saddam’s chemically enhanced raids on the Kurdish people two decades ago.  Rampant infertility is an issue in the Kurdish region, although I don’t know if any studies have been compiled. Not only did he succeed in destroying his target, but rendering the survivors incapable of reproducing.

How long can the earth and it’s Creator bear with our destructive ways?

Thanks, Sam, for the link.

Hokay, Twilighters,  JORDAN gets to premiere New Moon in the Middle East!!! A day before Lebanon (well, just an hour, really) and two weeks before the Land Across The River. I just called City Mall to confirm the first show is 11pm November 25, with showings at 1:30am, 4am, keza-keza. The Twilight fan who answered the phone there said hurry as tickets are going FAST! Buy a ticket and register for a prize, kamaan.

New Moon is also playing at Zara, but I have to run so you can call them. For my international readers, here is the comprehensive list:

New Moon World Wide Release Dates
by LMCullen on August 2, 2009 · Comments

in Must See, New Moon Premiere

Here is the complete list of The Twilight Saga – New Moon world wide release dates (in alphabetical order) According to the Official New Moon Movie website

Argentina – November 19, 2009
Austria – January 8, 2010
Australia – November 19, 2009
Belgium – November 18, 2009
Bolivia – January 1, 2010
Brazil – November 20, 2009
Bulgaria – November 20, 2009
Canada – November 20, 2009
Chile – November 26, 2009
China – TBD
Colombia – January 1, 2010
CIS – December 3, 2009
Costa Rica – November 2009
Croatia – December 10, 2009
Czech Republic – November 26, 2009
Denmark – November 20, 2009
Dominican Republic – November 2009
Ecuador – January 1, 2010
Egypt – December 23, 2009
Estonia – November 27, 2009
Finland – November 20, 2009
France – November 18, 2009
Germany – January 7, 2010
Greece – January 19, 2009
Guatemala – November 2009
Honduras – November 2009

Hong Kong – December 17, 2009
Hungary – November 19, 2009
Iceland – November 20, 2009
India – TBD
Indonesia – November 21, 2009
Israel – December 10, 2009
Italy – November 20, 2009
Japan – November 28, 2009
Latvia – TBD
Lebanon – November 26, 2009
Lithuania – November 27, 2009
Malaysia – November 26, 2009
Mexico – November 20, 2009
The Netherlands – November 19, 2009
New Zealand – November 19, 2009
Norway – November 20, 2009
Pakistan – TBD
Panama – November 2009
Peru – November 26, 2009
Philippines – November 20, 2009
Poland – November 20, 2009
Portugal – November 26, 2009
Romania – November 20, 2009
Serbia – TBD
Singapore – December 3, 2009
Slovak Republic – January 14, 2009
Slovenia – TBD
South Africa – November 27, 2009
South Korea – December 3, 2009
Sweden – November 20, 2009
Switzerland, French – November 18, 2009
Switzerland, German – January 7, 20010
Switzerland, Italian – November 20, 2009
Taiwan – December 4, 2009
Thailand – November 19, 2009
Turkey – November 20, 2009
UAE – November 26, 2009
United States – November 20, 2009
Ukraine – December 3, 2009
United Kingdom – November 20, 2009
Uruguay – January 1, 2010
Venezuela – November 27, 2009
Vietnam – TBD
West Indies – TBD

My president needs a protocol droid (no link needed)

My vice-president needs some of HM’s trained road-clearing security drivers.

My house leader, hhmmm, won’t go there.

My Former Miss California Runner-Up (yea, who remembers the name of the gal who WON?) needs some re-mentoring and re-mothering on why there aren’t a lot of serious Christian women in modeling, pageanting and video-making for ‘boyfriends’.

Sigh. American ex-pat in Jordan needs to stay off both wings of the political blogosphere. Darn it, Hareega and Mohanned, it’s all your fault.

When we lived in Hashmi, there was a woman with Down’s Syndrome who was the neighborhood sex toy. It was so sad to see her so completely sexualized, acting out in public, as Down’s folks usually have a very sweet and innocent way about them, helpful and loving in ways us ‘normal folks’ fail to be.  More on ways the disabled are abused here:

http://www.jordantimes.com/?news=21702

Perceptions of low social class and economically driven migration put Asian women at risk also. At the shelter for Filipinas we contribute to, there are stories as harrowing as this one:

http://edition.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/asiapcf/11/17/indonesia.sex.slave/index.html?iref=24hours

God-fearers are under mandate to protect the unprotected, provide strength to the weak, empower the powerless. Let’s raise our voices and make noise on their behalf.

7iber is not only a great source for local news and views AND the most relevent event calendar on-line, but has reinvigorated blogging’s  fading role in on-line conversation of pressing social issues. 7iber’s founders are some of Jordan’s best young journalists

The most recent conversation is discussing  child abuse in Jordan in conjunction with the Jordan River Foundation.  It falls on the 20th anniversary of the signing of the convention on the rights of the child.

Please follow the link and leave your opinion.

http://www.7iber.com/2009/11/have-your-say-child-abuse/

I think everyone would agree that abusing children is a bad thing, but just what constitutes abuse? I am going to talk about verbal and emotional abuse, two of those ‘gray areas’.

One of the first words I learned here was ‘himaar’, Arabic for donkey. My landlord had nine kids, and it was a word I heard bellowed often when one of them would blow it, whether intentional disobedience, childish mistake, or unintentional accident. Each of those three acts of a child warrant a response, but is name-calling redemptive correction?

To equate a child as an animal is demeaning, whether it is donkey, monkey or dog. That says the child is stupid, stubborn, uncontrollable, untrainable (with the exception of the first, all of which are a result of lack of parental boundaries). It places the highest object of God’s creation, a human, on the level of an animal. I love animals, but don’t buy the PETA mentality.

Calling a child such a name makes a parent more likely to beat the child physically like the animal they have been likened to. What does it do to a child’s image of self?

Perhaps worse is the use of derogatory sexual terms. It presexualizes a child out of his/her innocence, and demeans sexual organs and acts God designed for pleasure and procreation. I will never understand why a penis is called an ‘aybo’ (shame). There is nothing shameful about a penis, it is an amazing organ with power to plant life. Did you know some Biblical references to ‘horn of strength’ are delicate Hebrew methods of describing an erect penis as an example of strength? A man who can control and channel his sexual desire appropriately is a strong man.

Here are some surprising definitions of emotional abuse according to the course I teach (*this is copywritten (?)  material that I have permission to use for this post. Do not copy and paste, please) . These came up again in our recent meeting, and they seem trite and hardly worthy of the word ‘abuse’. But in terms of mis-using a child, or the opportunity to build a child’s character, they are soul-deadening for children and increase the risk-factor for sexual abuse:

1) Not being cherished and celebrated by one’s parents simply by virtue of one’s existence.

2) Not having the experience of being a delight.

3) Not being allowed to be a child, being given adult-level responsibilities that set a child up for failure (having a 5-year-old take a two-year old to the Dukaan three blocks away)

4) Not having parents take the time to understand and encourage who the child is becoming.

5) Not listening to the childish (and endless) stories of the day. If you don’t listen to their stories as little ones, they will not to talk to you as a teen, you have already shown they aren’t worth your time)

6) Not receiving age-appropriate limits and enforcing those limits (like making sure the boy can’t get the car keys, and absolute understanding that attempts to take the car will result in NO social life until you graduate! )

7) Neglect, not receiving adequate medical and dental care.

Not being taught to do hard things – to problem solve, develop persistence, to allow them to fail and encourage them to keep trying.

9) Emotional abandonment in all it’s forms.

These lacks in emotional nurturing will leave a child with an empty love-tank that they will spend their whole lives trying to fill with substitutes. I think some of you know how futile and lonely that quest for love is.

A good warning to parents and pre-parents to value and validate your children. If you, dear reader, did not experience life-nurturing parenting, you don’t have to follow that example.

**In case you don’t read through the comments, Layla’s just reminded me to let you know, I have learned all this through my own mistakes, and it was my own anger toward my kids that forced me to get help in my parenting. I’[m not talking as one who read it and condescends to share my vast truth. It is rooted in my own experience, and am dealing with the ramifications of my mistakes with my kids, especially as they become teenagers.**